Monday, April 17, 2006

Disintegration

I spent the weekend in Philadelphia, helping my Mom out. She's having lots of trouble moving around, given her broken arm and general decrepitude. Unfortunately, my stepfather's health continues to fade away. He's in a nursing home now and will hopefully be moved to a hospice some time this week. However, I doubt he'll last more than a few more days.

It was really horrible to see him. He shakes like a leaf and every breath he takes sounds like it's filtered through 10 gallons of water. There is a deep rattle in his chest and it's awful to see him struggle each time he inhales. He can barely talk and simply stares out the window or at the ceiling most of the time.

I think he really wants to go, sooner than later.

Unfortunately, many of his extended family are devoutly religious and have been plying him with sermon upon sermon about the healing power of Jesus. Thing is, Skip is not a religious man and these haranguings do more to tire him out than they do to make him feel better. Anyone in there right mind can't look at this man and not realize that he's dying and that there's nothing to be done except try and make him comfortable. Better to let him alone and make his own peace with himself and the divine, which I believe he's done to a great extent already anyway.

It sounds and feels awful to say that I wish he were dead, but that's how I feel. His suffering is very great and I think he finds his helplessness embarrassing and demeaning. Hopefully none of this will last much longer. If his appearance yesterday is any indication, I don't think it will.

Deathbird stories:

Various - Dirty Loop Volumes 1-3
(bizarro-world alt-hiphop)

Frank Sinatra With The Red Norvo Quintet - Live In Australia, 1959
(down under with the Chairman)

Various - DJ Abstract 1: The Dark Lounge Mix
(when the mellow didst begin)

Various - DJ Abstract 6: Nineties Junkie Mix
(techno heaven)

Ministry - The Land Of Rape And Honey
(because sometimes, it's just easier to hurt people)

1 Comments:

Anonymous carly said...

My condolences to you and your family. This is one the very hardest thing to do in life.

Let me know if you need anything (a cake, an sounding board, a jumprope - you never know when you're going to need a jumprope)

12:08 PM  

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