Where's the line?

My gig at Contempt went very well. Several people came up to me wanting to know what it was I was playing. That's always a pleasure. Got to spin a solid two and a half hour set, which was great, for it is much easier to built an interesting flow over the course of a couple of hours than it is to dazzle and amazing in only an hour.

Bianca and Derek showed up near the end of my set, which was cool because it meant I had somebody to hang with afterward. I finished up around 3am and then we closed the place.

Contempt is always fun. It's a gothic-industrial night, but for the most part the people aren't the usual pretentious "alt-er than thou" folk you tend to find at such places. However, not a lot of great dating material for someone with more varied interests such as myself.

And therein lies the topic of today's little brain dump.

It is always a struggle to resist the temptation to simply grab what is available. Unless I'm terribly mistaken, I believe there is a woman or two in that circle who are interested in me. And don't get me wrong; these are nice people. However, I can't see myself dating someone who is that involved in ANY scene; that is to say, involved to the extent of excluding (and frowning upon) everything else. Folks who are 100% ANYTHING tend to get on my nerves. Exclusivists are for the birds. (Rhymin’ and stealin’)

Anyway, it is difficult not to go ahead and get involved anyway. I've been single for a long time now and would love to have myself some female companionship. That's a not-so-veiled reference to sex, as well as the whole holding-hands-enjoying-life-together thing. But it's the second part of that sentence that has me troubled. The holding-hands-enjoying-life-together bit implies a compatibility that I am almost sure I don't have with these women. And that's why I don't pursue them. There are a myriad of other reasons involved as well, I'm sure (fear of rejection, one burnt-twice shy stuff) but for the most part it's because I feel like things would never go anywhere.

And I'm interest in things going somewhere with someone. Applicants can apply via my email address :-)

So I continue to pass up opportunities that present themselves. For the most part I feel good about this because I decided after my last relationship that I would not settle again. I realized that I needed to be pickier. Someone liking me romantically (or otherwise) does not imply that I have to like them romantically (or otherwise). My best and longest relationships have been with people that I have found fascinating from the start, intellectually and physically. The stuff I've encountered lately has simply been physical and therefore probably not ideally pursued. But the lust beckons and I am often sorely tempted…

OK. Brain dump complete. We now return you to your regularly scheduled web surfing.

Dropping my rhymes on the one (fuck the two three) to:

Various - DJ Abstract's Nineties Junkie Mix 6
(hand-crafted for maximum rave-ability)

breaks the blank day - breaks the blank day
(basking in my own glory, baby; ambient glitch and blue moods)

Napalm Death - Scum
(the original incarnation with JKFlesh; the "28 songs in 33 minutes" grindcore classic)

John Coulter - MP3 Compilation 1
(this talented MC lets you download shit for free; I wonder why nobody signs this guy)