Friday, August 19, 2005

Reading is fundamental

The White House released a list of books that Our Fearless Leader took with him to Crawford, TX to read during his brief (that is to say, five week) "working vacation". I suppose he'll be browsing these texts during those brief moments when he's not putting a larger dent in the apparently overwhelming brush epidemic from which his ranch suffers.

These "heavy books" are all non-fiction and include a treatise on the 1918 influenza virus (no doubt to be used at some later date as an excuse to invade yet another country "possessing biological weapons"), a history of table salt (which is probably about as interesting as hearing Dumbya speak in public), and an advanced copy of a biography of Tzar Alexander II. Alex was quite the famous conservative (although props to him for abolishing serfdom and watching our backs during the Revolutionary War), so maybe Georgie's looking for some more ideas.

It's my sneaking suspicion, however, that this press release is a flimsy tissue of fabrications and lies. I suspect that if you checked out El Presidente's night stand, you'd more likely find:

Ready, Set, Preschool! by Anna Jane Hays
(I believe it's the hope of George's handlers that he can learn a lot from the socialization sections of this book: making friends, sharing, taking turns, cooperating, etc.; especially in regards to the U.N.)

Oops! by David Shannon
(Once again, a hidden message from Dumbya's more rational consultants. The book's protagonist "finds himself in a few sticky situations, and learn[s] his five favorite words along the way". Hopefully, Big G will realize this is a subtle metaphor for Iraq and that his five favorite words should be "I really fucked things up". Methinks, however, that the concept of metaphor is still a bit beyond young George.)

The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss
(Look for this one to sit there and gather dust as it and its message are patently ignored.)

Hopefully these latter books will help improve Dubya’s attitudes towards others as well as improve his reading comprehension skills.

"This book is too long. I want to go cut more wood."

My books on tape for today:

Various - Eighties Stuff
(chock full o' one hit wonders)

The Strokes - Is This It
(jangle jangle jangle pop pop pop)

Minimal Man - Sex With God/Safari
(sterile, dark, bleak and utterly wonderful)

Pailhead - Trait
(Alien Jourgensen = drug fiend; Ian MacKaye = straightedge; A+I = awesome)

Duke Ellington - Newport Jazz Festival (1956) Sampler
(5 tracks of pure big band jazz perfection)

>Not sauced for 2 days


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